Transparency from the heart of a pastor

When Ministry Hurts

I have always sensed a pull toward helping professions since childhood. People told me when I was as young as 6 years old that they knew I would be a preacher or go into ministry. No one ever told me that heartbreaks that could come (at least not until I was in college). While I am going on three decades in ministry, I cannot say that I have gotten used to the pain that can come with it.

You might read this and think, “What kind of pain could you possibly have in ministry? You work a couple of hours a week and make seven figures a year. How could that possibly hurt?” Anyone who makes that statement has no real pulse on ministry. If you minister well, you will put in a ton of hours and be lucky if you hit six figures. Yet you do it day after day because you love God and people and want to obey God’s call on your life.

Let me describe the pain that comes with the territory. The pain of knowing that no matter how much you counseled couples, their marriage still ended in divorce and they may have blamed you for not doing enough. The countless hours you spent with grieving families, only to have them lie and say you never came to visit. Walking with people through various life difficulties and then they ghost you. The pettiest thing I ever experienced was being unfriended on Facebook the moment I announced my resignation from the church. True story – one lady only followed me on Facebook to spy on me while I was on staff. I quickly discovered she was a snake in the grass, so it was no surprise when she unfriended me on my last night at the church. The same thing happened during my first pastorate when a man who always voiced his disdain for me publicly on Facebook unfriended me on my last day and then ran a little public crusade to undo everything I did at the church immediately upon my resignation.

Some people are naive enough to think that things like this wouldn’t happen in the church. That people wouldn’t lie about you or run campaigns for your removal. I told one congregation if they circulated a petition for my removal. I would sign it😂. (I loved seeing the looks on people’s faces when I said that.) The same ugly things that happen outside the church happen inside the church. That is why church hurt tends to hurt some a little more deeply than others. They expect the church to be a safe place, a haven from all the things that so negatively affect the rest of the world. Meanwhile, it’s still sinful people at the helm who can very easily allow greed or other forms of selfishness to take over, infecting the church and hurting many in their path. It’s a lot uglier than you think.

Why would I still be involved in such potential for a mess? Just like I don’t avoid the grocery store because hypocrites shop there, I don’t avoid the church because sinful people, some of which are trying to live holy lives, are ever present. I keep showing up because I believe in God’s plan for the local church. No matter how deeply it can hurt, I believe God’s greater plan is worth every bit of it!

5 responses to “When Ministry Hurts”

  1. Wow, is there anyone who actually thinks ministry is a cushy job with a one-day-a-week work schedule? Sad! I have a heart for pastor’s wives because they are in ministry whether they feel called or not, and they have to share their man with a whole congregation. My friend whose husband is a pastor says they have to leave the city to have time just for the two of them… Thanks for sharing this!

    1. I did have a friend who asked me what I did during the day. I laughed, but he was serious. I totally get what your friend said about having to get away. That is a big reality, especially in small town ministry.

  2. Hello Pastor, as a PK I have seen the hurt that a pastor experiences.

    Since my dad was a bi-vocational pastor ( passed away now), I can attest to the fact that true service to the church can cost you more than you can make. Very often you’re putting your own money in to help with the expenses, just to keep the doors open. So, No! there’s not much money in it, but you have a lot of heart for it.

    My dad was undercut by a family that wanted his pulpit when he was the one who built that church up from the ground. When he was commissioned to start that church he had to work alone.

    And, you’re right about the countless hours.

    My dad would get home from his other job, he would shower, have dinner and retreat to the church for hours every night for study. He was constantly going to visit the elderly, the hospitalized, and many other situations.

    I can’t imagine what my mom went through, having to watch all of this happen, I can only expect that she felt as much neglected, as she was occupied with her own duties. It’s got to be a difficult life.

    I’m not a pastor, but I can imagine what kind of stress there is for a man or woman of God, having to struggle to get through a ministry.

    Bless you pastor, and bless your wife as well. When it’s all said and done, you will see your efforts and rewards.

    1. Pastor’s kids are often the brunt of a lot, specifically the criticism of the people. Congregations demand that pastors neglect their families while simultaneously keeping them “under control”. It’s a tough place to be. Thank you for ensuring a lot as a PK!

      1. You are a blessing, pastor. God bless you.

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