On This Father’s Day

Happy Father’s Day!

  • First to my own dad…You worked hard and pushed through years of agonizing physical pain so Mom and I would have what we needed. I love you!
  • To many influential men who have been a blessing in my life. In my years of ministry, my dad has been a few hundred miles away. Several men have invested in my life and have been a tremendous blessing. Thank you!
  • To the men who keep making a difference even if you have no biological children, thank you for being men of influence.
  • For those who are missing your dad today or find this day to be painful because of an absentee or bad father, you are in my prayers.
  • To my Heavenly Father, thank you for loving me unconditionally. You have showed me how to be a real dad.

God bless each of you today and always!

When Criticism Comes Your Way

I recently received a message from a critic. I cannot judge the intent of this individual. We all receive criticism at times. Some of us receive it more than others. I want to examine the criticism I received and make some practical application to us all as we receive criticism.

Be willing to search your own heart to see what parts of the criticism might be accurate. In this case, some of the things that were said were accurate. I was told my perspective is limited. That is totally true. I grew up attending a Christian school for my entire education. Then I went off to attend a college with the same views. After that, I went to work for churches with the same views. Sounds limited, doesn’t it? I can’t undo my past. Truthfully, none of us can. We can try to remove reminders, but it still exists. I’m so thankful God can and will use me, limitations and all!

Be willing to correct what needs to be corrected. I know that, going forward, I can listen and glean from different perspectives. That does not mean I have to agree. That willingness will often need to lead to repentance in cases when it is a matter of sin.

Eat the meat and leave the bone. Criticism can be skewed to some degree. I’m not sure if this individual was telling me to be quiet because of my limited perspective. If that is the case, none of us should speak. God is the only one with unlimited perspective, and He is the only One who is 100 percent correctp pop 100 percent of the time. I will do my best to speak when the Spirit says speak (or write) and be quiet when appropriate. God knows I have been very quiet on many things over the last few years because I didn’t need to throw another opinion out there. Plus, to be honest with you, I didn’t want the drama, and I knew the comments could get venomous.

Be sure that you will have critics if you haven’t already. Some mean well, while others don’t. Don’t be like me and internalize it. I was about ready to quit everything and wait for Jesus to come get me. I don’t say that in the strictest sense, but I had to just remember God will pull the plug on my life when He is done with me. While that criticism was being used by the devil, I had to redirect my focus to how God will use me at His discretion. My job is to be available, obedient, and content with however He chooses or does not choose to use me. At the end of the day, do your best to be who God wants you to be and let Him do the rest. We won’t hit perfection, and that’s okay. No saint of God had it all together, so I’m not the first. I’m just another story of how God makes beautiful things out of the dust, and so are you! Let Him have the final say!

I Need a Fresh Anointing

Many who read this blog don’t know me that well outside what they have read. I have spoken to some personally, but many of my readers don’t know me outside of my writing. They have read about some of my struggles, but tonight, I desire to share my extremely deep need for a fresh anointing upon my life.

I will give a little bit of back history, mainly because I believe someone can benefit from this because of your own personal struggle. My ministry hit its peak between 2009-2012. I was leading worship in a church and really seeing the hand of God bless it. It was also during that time that I was coming to terms with anxiety and depression and the need to be authentic. Because of my calling to preach, this church licensed and ordained me for ministry. This church will always have a special place in my heart.

At the end of 2012, I left for my first pastorate. I knew it would be a challenge because it was all new territory. What I didn’t realize was that the demise of my marriage would culminate during that time, and that life and ministry as I knew it was over. Broken and wounded, I returned to the city I left (the place with the church that ordained me).

When I returned to South Carolina, life was different. I was determined to rebuild my life and had high hopes that ministry could be great for me again. I served two churches upon my return, but ministry had lost a lot of its joy as I faced the challenges of dating again and dealing with my kids adjusting to my life shifts. Due to some issues arising in the church I was serving along with the family changes, I stepped away from church ministry for a while. Four churches contacted me that week about positions they had open, but God made it clear that I was not to step into any of those situations.

Here is where it’s going to get honest. During my time out of vocational church ministry, opportunities to preach and minister were slim. Some of the pastors who contacted me immediately after I left the other church took it personally because I did not go to their churches. I was disheartened by what I was seeing in a lot of churches, and thus the content of my dissatisfaction became a blog. The blog had tons of hits, but I’m pretty sure I made some enemies along the way. While no one has shared this with me, I’m pretty sure I hurt some people who were actually a blessing to me. If I could undo the past, I would undo it quickly. I pray that one day God will allow some healing to take place with those I offended.

The desire for future ministry was still present at that time along with my hurt from some church situations. Coupled together, I took these emotions and started a church. I was trying to be what I did not have the liberty to be in my previous church situations. That was great for a while, but it didn’t end so well. When it didn’t become what I desired it to be, I had to honestly step away and admit I was not in a good place to lead a ministry.

That left me pretty bitter with God. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t get a decent chance at ministry again. Why did I have to sit on the sideline because of my divorce and remarriage? Why were political moves allowing some pastors to climb the ladders of ministry? I wanted no part in the politics or games I saw played by some. I just wanted an authentic move of God, and I wanted to be a part of it. I wanted to see God’s glory revealed in my midst.

Six and a half years after my last full-time church position, I still want that. I still don’t feel like I fit the mould from my previous denominational camp. There are many I love from that group, but many of us are on different pages now. I still struggle some days with the reality of where I am. One thing I know – I need a fresh anointing.

In Second Kings, Elisha asked for a double portion of the spirit Elijah had. When Elijah was caught up, he gave that to Elisha. I want that.

For ministry in these unprecedented times, we need that. Nothing less will do. I don’t want to relive my glory days of ministry. I want new glory days, and I want God to define what that looks like. The same old methods and ways won’t do. I don’t know what that will look like, but I want the glory of God’s presence flowing through all I say and do. Would you join me in desiring that?

I Don’t Know What to Do!

These last few weeks and months have been overwhelming. We have faced some things we have never faced while also being forced to face something we have ignored for a long time. Our nation is more divided than ever before, and agendas are being politicized while hurting people are being used as bait rather than receiving and giving ministry.

I’m weary. An honest thought – I don’t know what to do, but I’m going to try to do something. The problem is too many good people are doing nothing. I’m reminded that while I don’t know what to do, it’s better to do something than nothing at all. If we get it wrong, let’s learn from our mistakes and try again. I have missed out on a lot of opportunities because of fear. I don’t want to miss out anymore. I want to pray. I want to hear from God. I want to walk in boldness and courage. I want to be here for all people. I made a commitment to God to be available to serve everyone I possibly can regardless of race, socioeconomic status, and any other labels, and I stick by that commitment. I’m here to listen. I’m here to love. And I will not rest until I have done all I can to be a part of the solution rather than the problem. God, I need your help, and I know You won’t let me down.

The Church is a Blended Family

Of all the things I have ever done, walking into a blended family is the hardest. When my wife and I met, I had 3 children, and she had 2. Five children is already a lot. Whether we like the thought of it or not, you might as well say the exes and their new spouses “live with you” though not physically. All these people play into the family dynamic. While the Brady Bunch sitcom from the 1970s depicted this happy blended family with few problems, that is so far from realistic.

As I was contemplating my challenges in a blended family, I began to think of how the church is a blended family. Think about it! You bring people from different ethnic backgrounds, different religious views, different everything into one body. Sounds like a recipe for disaster, right? If we follow God’s guidance, it can be a beautiful thing.

Blended families need the right leadership. As the church needs Christ at the center, so does the blended family. Both need someone to guide that. In the church, it is a pastor with the church body coming beside him. In the home, it is the father with the mother coming beside him. God has given an organizational chart. When we follow it, we see things flow. Allow anyone and everyone to lead, and you have chaos.

Blended families need to know the rules. For both church and home, God has a set of rules outlined in the Bible. For functionality, we can also apply the principles found within the Bible to guide the more practical things of the church and home.

Blended families need the wisdom and guidance of others. So does the church! My wife and I have discussed having mentorship for some time, but we finally sought the advice of a couple who knows the struggles. The body of Christ cannot function and does not function well on its own. The various members must work together. We must lean on the wisdom God gives to others through the Holy Spirit.

Blended families are not for sissies. Nothing could have adequately prepared me for this. But greater challenges have existed, so I move forward with the assurance that God will help me. I feel like pastoring a church was an equal challenge. There is no way to please everyone. We simply must do what God says and let Him handle the rest.

The Selection of a King and Its Relation to a Pastoral Search

I have been on staff in two churches when the membership had the daunting task of selecting its next pastor. In both situations, I served in an interim worship role. In 2012, I was the candidate in consideration for what would become my first pastorate. As I said, discerning God’s will for a pastor is a daunting task. What I think many fail to realize is the Bible gives a lot more direction about the process than many search committees utilize. The most surprising thought is that it may be found in a passage of Scripture related to the selection of King David.

In I Samuel 16, Samuel the prophet was charged to go find the second king of Israel. Saul, the current king, proved to be a bad choice. Samuel went to the house of Jesse, a man who had several sons who could have easily fit the bill. There was one, however, who was not present. The absent son, David, was out in the field tending to sheep. Everyone assumed this shepherd boy did not meet the qualifications for royalty, but God has a way of redefining what qualifies a person. God said this to Samuel in I Samuel 16:7 – “But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.’” With this in mind, here are some considerations:

God’s system of qualification often differs from man’s. Think about it! When we are searching for a “qualified” individual for a pastoral staff candidate, here are the things I often see. I will share from a Southern Baptist perspective because that was my alignment for many years.

XYZ Baptist Church of Anytown, USA is seeking a qualified pastor with a minimum of 5 years experience to lead our church. This candidate must possess a minimum of a Master of Divinity from 1 of the 6 Southern Baptist seminaries in our country. Doctorate preferred. Must have a proven track record as an effective leader in personal evangelism, discipleship, and church growth. Candidate must be between the ages of 30-50. If interested, please submit resume and sermon links to pastorsearch@xyzchurch.com.

If anyone looks on the outward appearance, it is a pastor search committee. Look how limiting this is! David would have never become king of Israel had some pastor search committees looked at his resume. Let’s face it! The boy stunk like sheep. He was too young. He didn’t have “royalty training” from 1 of the 6 SBC seminaries in the country. The only thing David had going for him was that GOD QUALIFIED HIM! God qualifies the called rather than calling the qualified.

I have been passed over by many committees who have looked at me for Lead Pastor or Worship Pastor. You may ask, “Why?” Here are some reasons. One church removed me from consideration because my choir didn’t smile enough. Another dismissed me because my degrees from Liberty University were not included in 1 of the 6 SBC seminaries. Never mind I have a Master of Divinity. One pastor almost passed me up for a worship position because I didn’t have a music degree (despite 13 years experience at the time), but God ended up leading me to that church. Some didn’t like my age. Now, most won’t touch me because I’m divorced and remarried. (Spoiler alert: the woman at the well became a 5-times divorced evangelist! That won’t fit the narrative for many churches.)

My advice to pastors and churches who are seeking God’s direction for staff positions – Stay open to God’s will! Your ideal candidate may not be God’s ideal. He or she may not have the education level, age, or socioeconomic status you have in mind. That’s okay! The first disciples were an odd mix of people, but they were the ones God chose to get the good news of the Gospel out to the world. If someone is chosen by God, who are we to do anything but approve?

The Ministry of Reconciliation

Several weeks ago, I was prompted by the Holy Spirit to reconnect with someone from my past. This was not one of those things I was quick to embrace. Something took place many years ago that affected this relationship, and I was in the dark about it for a long time. Communication ceased, and I did not know why for several years. Then the truth came out. So many questions were answered in that moment, but I was all over the map emotionally. What the offense is does not matter, and I was going to do what most people do and accept the relationship as irreconcilable.

But God sees things differently. After nearly a decade of no communication, we reconnected on social media. Several weeks went by as I prayed about what to do next. Finally, the Holy Spirit led me to send a message. Through a few messages, forgiveness was extended and communication resumed. I had the first phone call this evening, and it felt great to reconnect. There was no discussion of the offense, but there was a lot of catching up and focusing on some positive things that have transpired. God still does beautiful things.

As I reflect on this, I think about what Paul talks about when he mentions the ministry of reconciliation in 2 Corinthians 5:18-19. He says, “Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation.” Christ has done the work of reconciliation, but He has also given us the ministry of reconciliation. Allow me to expound on this a minute.

He has given us the ministry of reconciling lost sinners to the Father. People will not know of salvation in Christ unless someone shares the message. God chooses to use the mouths of those who have been changed and forgiven in Christ. I’m glad I can have a part in helping people be reconciled to the Father through repentance and faith.

On a more practical level, we see reconciliation play out in earthly relationships. So many right now are separated from each other because of various differences. Christians can’t get along due to doctrinal differences and preferences. People fall out with each other due to various types of offenses. God gives all kinds of commands on how we can restore these relationships, but we allow pride to get in the way.

Some may tune out on this one, but that’s okay. Christians should be leading the charge in racial reconciliation. How can we do that? We should be showing the world how we can love people of a different ethnic group. We should be leading the way in how we love those with different religious and even political views. A few more may have even checked out after the last sentence. Jesus prayed in John 17 that believers would be one, yet I hear many preach division and hate. I would rather side with Jesus on this one.

Reconciliation in our relationship with God plays out in our relationship with others. When Jesus was asked about the greatest commandment, He said it was two-fold: love God, love people. If you and I really love God, we will really love people. ALL people! Republican people. Democrat people. Asian people. Hispanic people. African-American people. Caucasian people. Mean people. Nice people. You get it by now.

All I know is I’m glad God kept chasing me down until I was reconciled to Him in Christ. I would be hopeless without Him. Because I have experienced reconciliation, God help me to minister reconciliation and model it.


Blog Name Change

I did it again! As the seasons of ministry change, so does the title of this blog. Why would that be? In this case, I returned to a title I used for a little over a year with my former blog site – “Honest Thoughts from a Pastor”. Here is why:

Much of my ministry in this season of my life is to pastors as a field shepherd with Standing Stone Ministry. So, ministry to those in ministry is a great deal of what I talk about. My ministry is to also help the local church. With these pastoral gifts still pulsating through my veins, the blog title seems to fit.

People have identified with the honest, raw authenticity and vulnerability with which I write. God has used this writing ministry to connect with many over the last 5 years. With that attitude and mission in mind, I will keep writing.

I’m beginning a podcast soon, and “Honest Thoughts from a Pastor” seemed fitting. This podcast will be a combination of honest thoughts about ministry, helpful episodes on tough topics the church does not want to address, and helpful things for pastors and those not in vocational ministry.

The overall reason is consistency in theme. People are looking for real answers and honesty now more than ever. My prayer is that God will continue to use me to help others along the way. I trust He will.

Who Are Pastors?

Who are pastors? That’s an easy question to answer, right? Most of us would say these are the people who preach and minister in churches. On the surface, that is correct. The truth of who pastors are is much deeper.

Pastors are people who don’t have all the answers. I have 3 degrees, and all I can say I have other than basic knowledge is student loan debt. My first death as a lead pastor was a church member whose family did not like me (at least some of them didn’t). I experienced so little loss in my life that I was nothing more than just a presence there. I didn’t know what to say and felt so awkward in the moment. I have improved in that area as I see death more frequently as a hospice chaplain, but classes could not adequate prepare me for reality.

Pastors are people with insecurities. We are often afraid for people to notice, so we try to cover it with arrogance and forced leadership. I know from experience that it does not go well.

Pastors are people who bring baggage with them. We have pasts full of abuse and family dysfunction. We bring our struggles of anxiety, depression, and maybe even addictive behavior or temptations. We often don’t feel safe sharing those things, so we portray a life that is altogether while we are still trying to heal from our past or maybe even present struggles.

Pastors are people with doubts and questions. Many of us were taught exactly how we should believe when we were in seminary or growing up in a church or Christian school. Some of us were never given the gift of thinking for ourselves, so we find ourselves in a crisis of faith when we wonder how a good God would take a child from us when we have faithfully served Him. We grapple with reconciling the tough truths of Scripture. I remember telling a pastor search committee I was still struggling with an answer to a particular thing, and the church still called me to be its pastor. They connected because they struggled too.

The bottom line: pastors are people. People who still sin though they try to walk the right path. People who make mistakes though they really want to please everyone. People who try to be top-notch, fail along the way, and get back up.

I minister to pastors who are all over the map. But I have encountered some great ones who love the Lord, the churches they lead, and people in general. As much as their humanity can get in the way at times, they mean well and want to give God and others their best.

As you think about your pastor(s), think about those who have family conflict at home just like you. Those who struggle to organize their time each day to include daily time with God. Those who accidentally say things they regret. Those who need your prayers and encouragement. As you think about these things, stop, pray, and/or send a note of encouragement. It may be the one thing that keeps them from giving in to the belief they are failures. And that could make an eternal difference.

Should the Church Be Silent About Racism?

One crime with racist intent is too many, but we have seen multiple. The number keeps climbing. People stand back and say, “It’s just coincidence that this keeps happening” or “Not all of these crimes are about race”. We can say whatever we want, but the truth is that racism still exists. How do I know? I live in the rural South. I still hear the derogatory and racial slurs. I see the segregation among schools, churches, and activities, although this is not mandated. Racism is alive and well, and the church should be addressing it.

I can hear some pastors say, “Let’s not address issues; let’s just preach the Bible.” I have a shocking revelation for you…The Bible addresses it! Furthermore, our Lord and Savior was scandalous in that He defied the ethnic and social norms of His day.

Take a look at John 4 where Jesus encounters the woman at the well. Jesus defies the customs of the day by speaking to a woman. This was not viewed too kindly in Jewish culture. He also defied the customs of that day by speaking to a Samaritan. Samaritans were half-breeds (half Jew, half Gentile). Jews, as God’s chosen people, had this supremacy mindset (one that Jesus addressed on other occasions). They did not like Gentiles. This Samaritan woman who was a product of a Jew-Gentile relationship was an even greater outcast because neither ethnic group wanted to accept her. But she encountered a loving Savior who wanted to redeem her from a life that was void of satisfaction.

Even the Apostle Paul who is viewed by some as a male chauvinist levels out the ethnic playing field. He said in Galatians 3:28, “There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus.” These principles still apply, and the church should address it.

It is high time for us to listen. As a lily white boy from Portsmouth, Virginia, I don’t know much about being treated unkindly by another race. It has happened before, but it is not something I face daily. I would dare say I am treated with greater respect by some of my African-American brothers and sisters than I am by my white brothers and sisters. The African-American community I know possesses qualities I admire. While I do not understand their struggle from experience, I want to take time to listen. I want to hear their perspective so I can better understand and find a way to see some of these walls fall.

It’s time to stop pretending everything is just fine. Good people have been silent for way too long. The church is quick to call a lot of things sin. Let’s call racism what it is too – a sin! We might not know what to do to see things change, but we can take some steps in the right direction.