Honest Thoughts from a Pastor

From 2015 until 2018, I was a rather prolific writer. Ideas came left and right. I must admit that my writing was rather impulsive. The adrenaline rush of becoming a rapidly growing blog at that time became a god. My blog became a place to process hurt and gain the affirmation I missed. Soon, my writing took a turn.

In 2017 and 2018, most of my writing was about my journey of trying to get a church off the ground. I posted excerpts of the sermons I preached. The horrible reality is that I was trying hard to make MY dream of a church work while simultaneously trying to convince the world that everything was great. I am a horrible actor, so I gave up the church in September 2018 and the old blog shortly thereafter.

Some may wonder why I would give up a blog for which I was so passionate. I finally realized the bitter undertones beneath my writing, and I knew I could no longer spew that venom at an audience that was growing tired of it. While some of that can easily sell, that is not my calling. I am called to encourage and share the life-changing message of Christ. I am called to help others. Writing for the sake of writing is not enough. No wonder I had writer’s block! God blocked it and rightly so!

Another thing that blocked my writing was a hurtful comment. The comment was not on a blog, but it was on a famous social media site. After that, I went silent there for a long time. I started this new blog with the hopes of reigniting the fire I once had for writing. Here was the problem – God wanted me silent while I finally came to terms with the hurt and pain in my own heart. Until I did that, my blog posts were only going to be about me and would offer no help to anyone. Some still say the things I post are too much about me. Here is what I learned – God has used my life experiences to help a lot of people. So many have thanked me for being transparent and vulnerable. My stories are not to put Matthew on parade but to connect with someone’s internal struggle and help them through it.

While the “pen” doesn’t flow as frequently as it once did, this writer is much more careful to pray before he posts. God often blocks my writing, and I’m learning to be okay with it. He knows best!