Honest Thoughts from a Pastor

Forgiveness is something with which many of us struggle. There is not a single one of us who has not been offended or outright sinned against. Depending on the depth of our hurt, the road to forgiveness is longer for some than for others. For me, it was much longer than I anticipated and much more complex.

You might say, “Matthew, you’re in ministry, and you’re supposed to forgive.” Yes, and the biblical command to forgive others applies to everyone. No one is excluded. For the purpose of this post, I will share the surface of my unforgiveness journey.

For me, I had been harboring things for years. I was able to forgive many things throughout the years, but there were a few matters I couldn’t shake. These things hurt deeply, and I never processed through them in a healthy manner. The fruit of this unforgiveness and bitterness was ugly. It stole years of joy from my life, and I was captive to it.

One of the greatest tools I have come across to aid in the forgiveness journey is a book called Forgiving What You Can’t Forget by Lysa TerKeurst. I heard the author’s interview on “Focus on the Family”, and I immediately connected. Within a month, my wife and I were invited to begin this study with some friends of ours. We have gone all out with it…DVD, study guide, Forgiveness journal, everything! It’s one of the greatest biblically-based resources to ever come into my life. I’m only 4 chapters in, but this resource breaks everything apart and makes you confront all the fragments of your brokenness. The thing I realized was that I had forgiven an event but not the impact of an event. Forgiveness, as the author says, is a complicated grace.

I know I’m not the only one struggling in this area. What about you? Has something or someone hurt you deeply? Are you struggling to move on because the impact lives with you daily? I’m not writing this to condemn you but to share that there is hope. The road to forgiveness is a process that we cannot shortcut. While it seems very ideal to be able to wake up one day and say, “Oh, I think I’m gonna forgive _____ for abusing me today.” It’s nice in theory, but the reality is much more complicated. I’m so glad our patient God is willing to get down in the middle of our mess and work with us. Let Him work with you to peel back the layers and experience the joy and freedom of deep forgiveness.