I Need a Fresh Anointing

Many who read this blog don’t know me that well outside what they have read. I have spoken to some personally, but many of my readers don’t know me outside of my writing. They have read about some of my struggles, but tonight, I desire to share my extremely deep need for a fresh anointing upon my life.

I will give a little bit of back history, mainly because I believe someone can benefit from this because of your own personal struggle. My ministry hit its peak between 2009-2012. I was leading worship in a church and really seeing the hand of God bless it. It was also during that time that I was coming to terms with anxiety and depression and the need to be authentic. Because of my calling to preach, this church licensed and ordained me for ministry. This church will always have a special place in my heart.

At the end of 2012, I left for my first pastorate. I knew it would be a challenge because it was all new territory. What I didn’t realize was that the demise of my marriage would culminate during that time, and that life and ministry as I knew it was over. Broken and wounded, I returned to the city I left (the place with the church that ordained me).

When I returned to South Carolina, life was different. I was determined to rebuild my life and had high hopes that ministry could be great for me again. I served two churches upon my return, but ministry had lost a lot of its joy as I faced the challenges of dating again and dealing with my kids adjusting to my life shifts. Due to some issues arising in the church I was serving along with the family changes, I stepped away from church ministry for a while. Four churches contacted me that week about positions they had open, but God made it clear that I was not to step into any of those situations.

Here is where it’s going to get honest. During my time out of vocational church ministry, opportunities to preach and minister were slim. Some of the pastors who contacted me immediately after I left the other church took it personally because I did not go to their churches. I was disheartened by what I was seeing in a lot of churches, and thus the content of my dissatisfaction became a blog. The blog had tons of hits, but I’m pretty sure I made some enemies along the way. While no one has shared this with me, I’m pretty sure I hurt some people who were actually a blessing to me. If I could undo the past, I would undo it quickly. I pray that one day God will allow some healing to take place with those I offended.

The desire for future ministry was still present at that time along with my hurt from some church situations. Coupled together, I took these emotions and started a church. I was trying to be what I did not have the liberty to be in my previous church situations. That was great for a while, but it didn’t end so well. When it didn’t become what I desired it to be, I had to honestly step away and admit I was not in a good place to lead a ministry.

That left me pretty bitter with God. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t get a decent chance at ministry again. Why did I have to sit on the sideline because of my divorce and remarriage? Why were political moves allowing some pastors to climb the ladders of ministry? I wanted no part in the politics or games I saw played by some. I just wanted an authentic move of God, and I wanted to be a part of it. I wanted to see God’s glory revealed in my midst.

Six and a half years after my last full-time church position, I still want that. I still don’t feel like I fit the mould from my previous denominational camp. There are many I love from that group, but many of us are on different pages now. I still struggle some days with the reality of where I am. One thing I know – I need a fresh anointing.

In Second Kings, Elisha asked for a double portion of the spirit Elijah had. When Elijah was caught up, he gave that to Elisha. I want that.

For ministry in these unprecedented times, we need that. Nothing less will do. I don’t want to relive my glory days of ministry. I want new glory days, and I want God to define what that looks like. The same old methods and ways won’t do. I don’t know what that will look like, but I want the glory of God’s presence flowing through all I say and do. Would you join me in desiring that?

17 thoughts on “I Need a Fresh Anointing

  1. Matthew, perhaps some or much of your frustration in ministry derived or derives presently from trying to do it man’s way and not God’s way. The institutional church is not God’s. It is man’s. The marketing methods for growing churches is man’s ways, not God’s. Trying to do what man suggests doesn’t work in the long run. It is dead works.

    My husband and I were going for ordination (him) and consecration (me) back in 2004 with a particular church denomination. They had a prayer conference for all ministry leaders. We were both invited, and he was supposed to share some things about our church plant, which was coming from a home ministry to college students we had had for 6 years by that time. But my husband hurt his back and could not go (God’s design and purpose, I believe), so that left just me to represent our ministry.

    Now, we were required to read the Bible from Genesis to Revelation, and some other books, so I was doing what I was told to do, which ended up being what God wanted, too. For, I really began to grow in my walk with the Lord during this time, and he was really speaking to my heart regarding his call upon my life. So, at the conference, when I was asked to speak to the group of mostly men, mostly pastors, I stood before them and I just let the Holy Spirit lead, and I spoke the message God wanted me to say in the power of the Spirit.

    Afterwards, the head guy’s wife came up to me and she said, “Well, that is the shortest lived church plant we have had.” She knew I said something that was going to doom us. But, about half of the pastors spoke with me and told me that is what needed to be said, but they acknowledged that it was going to get me into trouble, but they appreciated the words spoken. And, I did get called in to the “principal’s office,” so to speak, and I was instructed that I had not spoken from God. I don’t remember what else they said, but they both admitted they had not even listened to me.

    But, it was at that conference that the Lord called me to this present ministry. The Lord spoke powerfully to me through the various speakers, but what was standing out to me the most was a lesson from Habakkuk 2, and how the Lord was showing me that I was to have a writing ministry, and one other who said that I should give my ministry over to the Lord, for the Lord may have something else for me to do that I would not even imagine. And, that became true. I would never have imagined that I would be doing what the Lord has been having me do since 2004, especially because I am a woman, but I have no doubts that this has been and still is God’s call upon my life.

    So, I am praying for you that you will let God have your ministry, and that you would seek the Lord regarding what ministry he has for you that might be “outside the box,” in man’s opinion, but not outside God’s box. He may have something entirely different for you to do that you would have never imagined. And, he can open those doors for you, for where he calls, he makes the way.

    So, to me, a fresh anointing means it isn’t like what you have had before. It is something new. And, it needs to be birthed of God (of the Spirit) in you, and not of man, and it may even not meet the approval of all people, either, but as long as God is in it, and it is according to the word of God, then God will bless it. He will make a way where there seems to be no way. Praying for you. Love you as a sister in Christ. Sue Love (Rock Hill, SC)

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Your last paragraph reallllly spoke to me. I keep telling the lord I want to be as good as I used to be – but one day, while I was in a conversation with a friend, it struck me that maybe God had a different plan for who he wants me to be right now rather than what I used to be. God bless you ma.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Yes, we need to live in the present, and not in the past. Today is a new day. We need to be who the Lord wants us to be today, which will always be consistent with his word, but which may be different from what we were doing before.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Absolutely I will join you and yours in prayer for a fresh anointing. Without going into too much detail, I understand. I empathize. My feelings are very similar. It’s time for fresh anointing in many lives. Your life is blessed ~the experiences have brought wisdom and a new walk with Christ. There are times new walks can equate to different people walking beside us. It doesn’t mean we don’t share the same beliefs or perhaps, even doctrinal issues. But narrow is the path my friend. You’re on it! And undoubtedly you are helping lead the flock. Life is messy, situations get messy. And Jesus will use all our situations for good if we choose to pick up our cross and follow him. And you have. And you do. God bless you and yours. 💚🙏🏻

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I have been praying this prayer for years Matthew and of course I will continue to pray alongside you and these others. “God we need you! what does the gospel lived out look like in my day? What does it look like in my stage of life? What are you doing in the world today Jesus, and How can I be a part of it? Oh Jesus! Give us eyes to see the season we are in, and the wisdom to know what our response should be. “There is a time for everything”. Jesus, what is the right thing to do in the time right now?

    Liked by 2 people

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