Why Friends Come and Go

Friendships are much like a revolving door. I have had a ton of friends come in and out of my life. Think about it. It’s going to happen when you serve 11 churches in 24 years. (Gotta love when the nature of your ministry is short-term!😂) I made some pretty close friends that I wish I could have held onto moving into the next season. Most of those now are acquaintances at best, or we no longer communicate. Why is that?

Location – Out of those 11 churches, 4 of those are in the area in which I live now. So 7 of those are in other states or other parts of this state. Unless you have plenty of money to travel, most of these friendships will decrease in intensity. That’s just how life goes. Other people close in proximity are more convenient and can better provide a depth of friendship you no longer can. Don’t take it personally!

Life stage – I had friends during the stage of singleness that did not fit into the married phase. They didn’t relate. Add kids to the mix, and they really didn’t relate. Their exodus or lack of prominence in your life is not because they hate you. They just don’t connect with where you are in life now, and that’s okay!

Seasonal change – Some friends are only meant to be in your life for a season. They, or you, will serve a specific purpose. When that purpose is fulfilled, one or the other moves on.

The busyness of life – I understand this one. I wake up in the morning, I go to work, I come home, I deal with 4 of the 7 kids (all when it’s their time to be here), put them in bed, try to enjoy some down time, and go to sleep. Repeat cycle the next day. I won’t be in this cycle forever, although it feels like it. I do get in phone calls with people when I am traveling. I have a dear friend from Georgia who has withstood the test of time and life phases. Also, a dear couple from my first pastorate stays in touch. Then, I have people in ministry I stay in touch with. Although I strive to be on the giving side, the encouragement is mutual.

Once again, don’t take it personally when these friends go away. That’s life! Some go, and new ones replace them. When the old ones go, pray and ask God for you to have grace to accept that. Don’t try to hold on to something that isn’t meant to be! God knows what He is doing. Trust Him!

13 thoughts on “Why Friends Come and Go

  1. I like the thought that as we progress through our journey our needs change and often the people we need in our life change as well. And so often the people in the beginning are no longer the people we need in the later days of our lives. Not that we no longer need the good memories or good times we shared, but just that we no longer connect in the same way we once did or run on the same frequency.

    To my mind, there is nothing wrong in that thought, but rather a growth has happened and in order to further nurture the growth, space and allowance for nourishment of other things is needed for continued success and opportunity.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I like that thought. I didn’t even think about how our present moment is laying the path of the future past. We are setting the moments that will soon to be remembered.

        So hold that thought dear. Make these moments something worth remembering. As you have let old friends pass away, hold onto these friends a little closer so when they pass away, they will mean a little more and make that much more of an impression upon your heart.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks Pastor. I needed to hear this. I’m single and was struggling to hold on to my married friendships. I went through a period of letting go and your post confirmed what i was thinking. Looking for new friends in my new season.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I definitely struggled with this especially when I moved to a place I had no friends in for a year. I had really hoped the past friendships would have stayed closer with digital communication. But it wasn’t as convenient for them and both ladies had young ones, too.

    I’m definitely more content with that. I also have found sisters in Christ I’ve only met through the digital space as well as a grandmother in Christ. The blog has also helped with giving me community.

    God uses relationships for growth and you’re right, they all will not last. It’s life.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My blog and social media connections are probably my strongest. I have several I talk to on the phone periodically. The camaraderie has been a blessing.

      Liked by 1 person

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